Trump Jumps Head First Into Dog Twitter


WE’VE GOT SOME IMPEACHMENT
INQUIRY NEWS TO PASS ALONG. ACCORDING TO WHITE HOUSE ADVISOR
ALEXANDER VINDMAN’S TESTIMONY FROM YESTERDAY, THE OFFICIAL
TRANSCRIPT FROM TRUMP’S UKRAINE PHONE CALL DIDN’T CONTAIN THE
ENTIRE CONVERSATION. HE SAYS THE WHITE HOUSE CUT OUT
DAMAGING INFORMATION AND REPLACED IT WITH DOT, DOT, DOT. ( LAUGHTER )
LOOK, IT IS DONALD TRUMP. IT’S TRUMP. IT’S ENTIRELY POSSIBLE HE JUST
SAID “BO “– “DOT, DOT, DOT .” YOU KNOW WHEN YOU’RE TEXTING
YOUR EX AND THEY TEXT YOU BACK AND THOSE DOTS POPPED UP AND YOU
WAIT AND YOUR SOUL GETS CRUSHED WHEN IT JUST DISAPPEARS. THAT’S WHAT WE’RE TALKING ABOUT. DO WE EVEN NEED TO FILL IN THE
BLANKS? THE EDITED TRANSCRIPT WAS MORE
THAN ENOUGH TO START AN IMPEACHMENT INQUIRY. THIS IS LIKE A DETECTIVE ON
A CRIME SCENE SAYING, “OBVIOUSLY A MURDER OCCURRED HERE, BUT IT’S
ALSO POSSIBLE THERE WAS JAYWALKING.” ( LAUGHTER )
MEANWHILE, THE PRESIDENT WAS HAVING A BUSY DAY ONLINE. HE TOOK TO TWITTER THIS MORNING
TO ONCE AGAIN RAIL AGAINST THE IMPEACHMENT INQUIRY. AND IN THE TWEET, HE SWAPPED THE
“E” IN THE WORD “REPUBLICANS” WITH A “U.” LOOK AT THIS. HE WROTE, “RUPUBLICANS.” ( LAUGHTER )
TRUMP THEN CLARIFIED BY TWEETING, “SORRY, MEANT RUB
PELICANS. DAMN IT, ROBBED LUBRICANTS. AHH! RAW BLUE PECANS. FORGET IT. DOESN’T MATTER.” ( LAUGHTER )
I HONESTLY THINK THE PRESIDENT BELIEVES THAT THE SQUIGGLY
RED LINE UNDER THE MISSPELLED WORD IS TWITTER’S WAY OF LETTING
HIM KNOW THAT HE’S DOING A GREAT JOB. ( LAUGHTER )
TRUMP SWAPPED THE “E” WITH A “U.” IT COULD’VE BEEN WORSE. IT COULD’VE HAPPENED WHEN HE WAS
TWEETING ABOUT THE RAPPER FIFTY CENT. ( LAUGHTER )
( AUDIENCE REACTS ) HARD TO KNOW WHETHER THAT JOKE
WILL MAKE THE SHOW TONIGHT. ( LAUGHTER )
THIS GUY’S STILL FIGURING IT OUT. ( LAUGHTER )
WAIT — THERE IT IS. OKAY. ( LAUGHTER )
THEN LATER IN THE DAY, THE PRESIDENT TWEETED OUT A
PHOTOSHOPPED IMAGE OF HIMSELF GIVING A FAKE MEDAL TO THE HERO
DOG FROM THE RECENT ISIS RAID IN SYRIA, WITH THE WORDS, “AMERICAN
HERO!” LOOK AT THAT. ( AUDIENCE REACTS )
I KNOW. I LIKE THIS. YOU KNOW WHAT? IMPEACHMENT OVER. ( LAUGHTER )
KEEP THE ADORABLE ANIMAL PHOTOS COMING AND WE’RE COOL. BUT THIS IS A FAKE PHOTO. IF YOU LOOK CLOSE ENOUGH, YOU
CAN PRACTICALLY HEAR DONALD TRUMP WHISPERING TO A DOG,
“YOU KNOW A DOCTOR CAN GET YOU OUT OF MILITARY SERVICE, RIGHT?”
( LAUGHTER ) IN OTHER POLITICAL NEWS
TWITTER CAME OUT WITH A MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT TODAY. THEY WILL NO LONGER ALLOW
POLITICAL ADVERTISING ON THEIR PLATFORM. YEAH. IT’S AMAZING. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
KIND OF A GREAT THING. I REALLY THINK IT IS. SO, NOW, IF YOU WANT TO SEE
DISHONEST POLITICAL ADS YOU’LL HAVE TO HEAD OVER TO
LITERALLY ANY OTHER WEBSITE ON THE INTERNET. LAUGH
NO POLITICAL ADVERTISING ON THE TWITTER PLATFORM? I’LL TELL YOU, IF THE FOUNDING
FATHERS WERE ALIVE, THEY WOULD HAVE NO ABILITY TO REMOTELYÑi
UNDERSTAND IT. ( LAUGHTER )
AND, FINALLY, HALLOWEEN IS TOMORROW, AND IF YOU’RE LOOKING
FOR A LAST-MINUTE COSTUME IDEA, CHECK THIS OUT. AN ONLINE COSTUME SHOP IS
SELLING A SEXY “MISS IMPEACHMENT” HALLOWEEN COSTUME. ( LAUGHTER )
AS IF THE IDEA OF TRUMP GETTING IMPEACHED WASN’T SEXY ENOUGH
ALREADY. ( LAUGHTER )
A “MISS IMPEACHMENT” COSTUME. OR, IF YOU WANT TO DRESS AS
SOMETHING SCARY, THERE’S NOTHING MORE TERRIFYING THAN THE
“REELECTED FOR A SECOND TERM” COSTUME. ( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

100 thoughts on “Trump Jumps Head First Into Dog Twitter

  1. I'll vote for that dog before I vote for any Democrat, it's far more honest, courageous, and stinks much less. BIG PREZ trolling Democrats like a P I M P. BAHAHAHAHAHA

  2. it's simple: Rupublicans is a clearly a portmanteau of Russians and Republicans; the only two groups in the world that are trying to save his criminal ass from going to prison for the rest of his life.

  3. Bahahahaha the media dont know what memes are, of course its a fake photo.
    Im not a big trump fan but Twitter banning political ads is only good for trump as you ass hats cant stop talking about him – free advertising via the frothing at the mouth media (you learnt nothing from 2016) and now you shut out the dems

  4. Corden is such an arsehole. Peddling fake news like the rest of the podgy, pasteurised, over paid lickspittles and their virtue signalling clique. The dog meme was a joke. Anyone with half a brain gets that. Trump honours servicemen and women and fights to protect them while this soy swilling rake prances around misleading gullible viewers. Shameful.

  5. Trump is damn dumb that he literally ignores his phone when it tells you spelleid something wrong lmao like now 🔝

  6. Heres a thought. "…." was a viral tweet with thousands and thousands of retweets. THAT is power. think about it. trump tweeted 4 dots, it went viral, news stations reported on it, late night flunkies talk about it. trump has you all in the palm of his hand

  7. You're right. That last costume–"re-elected for a second term"–is definitely the most frightening one I've ever seen.

  8. My notes from this 4 minute monologue.

    1. If you have to explain the joke, then the joke isn't funny. (You know what I mean what I say 'dot, dot, dot?') Yes, Corden, we know what you mean.
    2. 'Rupublicans' is just grammar-nazism. It's partially why Reddit has turned to cancer. Lowest hanging fruit.
    3. If you have to question if "a joke will make the show tonight", then it probably shouldn't because it isn't funny.
    4. People are being absolutely trolled by the dog/medal photo. It isn't even remotely close to looking real. It has the Daily Wire watermark in the corner. But here come those headlines…. oooooh, boy, those headlines….
    5. The founding fathers bit was a good, best joke of the video.

  9. Man. This ban on political ads…Is it because Hillary lost? because you all know that if she won nobody would be complaining.

  10. No matter how much you leftist scum pump out this anti-Trump propaganda, the people are switching off from your bullshit and seeking alternative media.

  11. Let's face reality, until middle America stop believing in Trump he's going to get reelected in 2020, he doesn't have to win the popular vote just the electoral College. The electoral college is always on Republicans side.

  12. Anyone who ever thought Trump would never be caught, obviously never heard him speak. The Idiot cannot keep a secret, cannot spell, and speaks like a 5 year with no filter. He's a "Loose Canon" That must go!

  13. When DO YOU KNOW THAT SCHIFF AND PELOSI ARE LYING ????? THEY OPEN THIER MOUTHS !!! FAKE NEWS CHANNEL !!! HOPE YOU DIE OF CANCER CORDEN !!!!

  14. I just hope they do make a medal for dogs. That dog killed the leader of Isis. Can you think of a better definition of "Good boy".

  15. I think Twitter stopped political ads because the Bernie Sanders ad got 5000,000 Views Way more than anything the corrupt POTUS got 😍

  16. You morons think trump getting impeached ? 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

  17. I'm surprised Trump hasn't started saying that someone is hacking his account and deliberately misspelling words in his Tweets.

  18. 4:22 nearly made me vomit… James really should have given us a better warning than that; I was expecting a Rudy Giulianni or Steven Miller costume. My entire being shies away from the very existence of THAT possibility…

  19. I hope they shut down Candice Keller’s Twitter, the Ohio state representative that blamed Mexicans, gays, etc, for Mexican and gays being mass murdered by white supremacists.

  20. Corden: Daught, daught, daught.
    Stephen: DAHT, DAHT, DAHT. DAHT, DAHT, DAHT, DAHT.
    I think Stephen's version is more spot on with the crass obese vulgarity that is currently squatting in the WH.
    James is too polite.

  21. 🤦‍♂️you guys are so stupid this ad ban is going to only hurt democrats,trump literally tweeted 4 periods and it became viral, he doesn't need to put adds on twitter, the democrat candidates do. You guys are going to lose the election 🤦‍♂️

  22. The Democrats are being Burnt out of California and Nancy shows no concern. Just don’t come to Texas and Arizona, the hail of fire you meet will be worse than what you left

  23. dear dems, you should know that everybôdy is seeing your lack os verticality, in place of tryong to beter yourself , to try to reach and fix problems that maters, all your energie goes on to bash trump….its pathetic

  24. james i refuse to believe a man with your inteligence stand behind the cheap pokes at trump, i would like to see some verticality once , make a pro trump comedy

  25. Trump doesn't like dogs. I wonder what would happen if he had to meet with the real German Shepherd that was involved in the raid. The dog would probably bite him. lol

  26. 200 million. American dog owners got offended when he said al bagdadi does like a dog therefore he had to show people he loves dogs but he still had to do photoshop because he hates animals

  27. You can even do this in purpose if you wanted to,I have no idea how many times he had to change the correction

  28. James you may need to learn a joke – like the meme with the dog. I thought your were supposed to be a comedian, evidently you are not (by looking at your ratings). Go back to England, oh, they don't like you either. Notice watermark of dailywire on dog meme. The founding fathers defeated your country. You are such a sell out. This country has given you more than you could ever imagine. But you had to sell your soul to the hollyweird devils. It will come back around, don't worry.

  29. I love the Miss Impeachment costume! I wish I had known about that before Halloween, bc I would have loved to order it. I couldn't quite tell what she was holding in her hand though… it def wasn't a peach. Could anyone tell?

  30. This dog shit is stupid. Some of the media is insane. I hate trump but come on… come on. It's cute. It's adorable. It's a joke.

  31. I'd like to see tRump give the dog a medal.
    Dogs have no fear of letting you know they don't like you!

    And so sadly, not long after, tRump complained that the dog in the tunnel got all the credit, while he, sitting in a room 1000's of miles away, didn't get the credit. How F***ING PATHETIC IS HE?

  32. James needs to go back to where he came from! He is NOT American! He is from England and making fun of Americans including President Trump and all! Stupid people who hired him to be on TV!!! They are supposed to hire Americans only!! People are gullible hiring senseless foreigners and taking over America!!

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