The Ultimate ‘How To Get a Pet’ Hack by Children’s Comedian James Campbell



[Applause] [Applause] my name is James Campbell and I wrote this book it's called the funny life of pets and I'm here today at Wood greenly animal charity because we're going to talk about pets one of the things that people ask me a lot they say if I want a particular pet how do I get that pet and I've got a little technique basically what you do is don't ask for the animal you want ask for something that's a little bit bigger and more impractical and then haggle down I've written the poem about this and it goes like this if you want a hamster to keep inside a cage say you want a guinea pig of any shape or age oh no no no you silly thing a guinea pigs too big they'll sing but if you use your biggest eyes and parents use their head they'll come upon a compromise and a hamster you will get instead but if you really want a guinea pig what what do you do now we'll say you want a catty puss the person goes meow oh no no there is no room at cat is far too big they'll fume but if you use your biggest eyes and parents use their head they'll come upon a compromise and a guinea pig you'll get in stairs but if you actually want a cat what would you do to fix it or say you want a floppy dog to chew on bones and biscuits I don't know what are you on about a dog is far too big though shell but if you use your biggest eyes and parents use their head they'll come upon a compromise and a cat you'll get instead but if you actually want a dog you need your common senses say you want a pony horse to ride and hurdle fences oh no no there is no room a pony is too big they'll fume but if you use your biggest eyes and parents use their head they'll come upon a compromise and a dog you'll get instead but if you actually want a horse you need to think gigantic say you want an elephant to learn some circus antics oh no oh heck by Jove like Dumbo they'll say we have no room for jumbo but if you use your biggest eyes and parents use their head they'll come up on a compromise and a pony you will get in stay but if you actually want an elephant the figures come unstuck ask for an Allosaurus but you won't have too much luck oh yes yes yes they'll surely say a dinosaur is on its way and cause you used your biggest eyes and parents use their head you'll get a pet of Jurassic size and it will eat you and your bed [Applause]

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