He told me I was like a dog, sweet and lovable, and that he was a cat person. He told me I was the strongest person he’d ever met, which is how he knew I’d survive him cheating on me. He told me I was developing a codependent relationship, with a jar of Nutella. So I decided to “rescue” his puppy. So…I took his dog for a walk, and never came back. (All) Hobbes (All) Calvin Hi I’m Calvin, I’m a Dog Adoption Specialist. So I used to use dogs to pick up women… guilty as charged. But what would happen is, they’d break up with me, and then they’d keep the dog. So then I just went with it. This is Hobbes…That’s Hobbes, and this…is the next Hobbes, aren’t you. I remember Calvin coming in every month or so for a new dog, and I thought what is this guy, a dog cannibal or something? But it turns out he’s just a really bad boyfriend. My job is essentially getting the women to fall in love with the dogs faster than they fall in love with me. I don’t know why but Calvin always wanted to watch movies where dogs die at the end. He would Photoshop pictures of me and Hobbes, doing really weird stuff. This one time we watched that scene from “I Am Legend”, where the dog dies… but like just that one scene. I was convinced he was cheating on me, So I hired a private investigator. Well it’s an open case, so I’m not really at liberty to discuss it. Isn’t that right Hobbes. So once my “girlfriend” has fallen in love with Hobbes, that’s when I just gradually start to destroy the relationship. I mean at some point I had to ask myself what’s more important. A persons feelings, or a dogs adoption, and…is that even a question, you know. Somebody called me a Chauvinist the other day, and I said no I’m not a Chauvinist, I’m just manipulative. I really don’t wanna enable this guy anymore, so if people could just adopt more dogs that would be great.