Soul Connection 35 – Extramarital Affair – What to do about it ? – Sr Shivani (English)



there is a time to bid goodbye to the old and the ordinary and to awaken the beauty within that time is now it is time to wake up and take charge of life awaken to a new way of thinking awakening with brahmakumaris namaskar welcome to awakening with brahma kumaris you're watching Soul connections sister Charan is with us welcome sister thank you so much om Shanti many people are very very grateful to the program and they thank you very much there is a bid from a person who's married and has been married for 18 years and it says that I've been married for 18 years and my wife is in love with someone else from the past six years and they have two children and he knows about it and he's asking whether he should allow her to marry him the present time this is probably one of the most common problems that a lot of families are facing we're partners are having relationships outside their marriages mhm and the other person and even the person involved probably just doesn't know how to handle the whole situation and obviously has an impact on the entire family especially the children if we just look at why this happens what to do if it happens and then what impact it can have if we take a decision something like this what he mentions one is that we are all in two relationships with the belief system that we're supposed to get love get respect get acceptance get appreciation it was always supposed to be coming from the other side and then when we don't find it coming from the other side forgetting very conveniently that it was not about getting but it was about your giving what happens is at home you've been living together for quite some time we tend to try to change other people a lot because of the another deep belief system that my way is right and for me to be happy you have to be the way I want you to be at home we try to keep on changing the other person and which means we're not accepting them and which in other words in common language you say you're nagging me a lot so it's basically lack of acceptance and which means a rejection not accepting the other person as they are is rejecting the other person and this can happen between a parent and a child this can happen between a husband and a wife a lot of rejection and when you get rejection from family members and somewhere else you find someone who's able to accept you as you as you are telling someone why do you do this is that rejection it is basically two ways let's say I find you sitting like this in this posture okay and suppose I feel that this posture would be very uncomfortable and one is remaining stable and saying it to you that probably this posture is not good for you it might cause pain in your knee but I am stable so I'm saying it just for your good the energy is different it's positive energy but one is seeing you like this I'm getting disturbed and then I'm asking you to change then that change is not for you it's for me but the change is because my mind will become okay only when you change so either I say it or sometimes I can't even say it because the other person is fed up of listening to me saying it but every time I see the person doing or behaving in a certain way I'm creating those thoughts of rejection thoughts of unstability being created by me seeing you in a certain manner is sending energy of rejection because I'm not accepting you if I accepted you I would be stable it's it's all coming back to our first basic thing and which is my state of mind is in my control it's not dependent on other people's behavior that one wrong belief system leads to all these problems every time we come into an interaction with each other especially if you look at a husband-wife relationship and because I'm not being able to take charge of my mind it's getting affected by every word and behavior of the partner I'm constantly creating negative energy about the other person this is energy of rejection and if this gets too much then the other person is moving away but everybody needs acceptance and now if one person is getting this rejection from one side and then finds someone else who's able to accept appreciate and that is respect and automatically I tend to come closer there and more comfortable but that's not the only reason that's how it begins not necessarily why not it can be the opposite also just a person is of that kind of nature yes so nature how why nature because it's the best of spouse I mean maybe the supposing I have a very nice wife in spite of them that I have got that kind of a nature to have I mean relationships with a lot of women see once when you're talking when you're talking in these kind of cases they're talking at two levels one is people who are getting into physical relationships and one of people and this kind of a relationship that you're talking that kind of relationship can lead to this yeah but this kind of an email which has come this problem that we are talking than that lady who's married has two children and yet has been in this relationship for seven years and wants to go and get married this is not one of those temporary things maybe but this whole thing that has grown over a period of time and the reason is because of some kind of not being happy in this relationship and then getting attached somewhere else it will only begin that way most of the people whom we meet especially women who are into a relationship like this and you ask them that you understand what the repercussions of this are and yet you are doing this what is it and they say at least there is someone who accepts and appreciates the one standard line from everyone and it says someone who calls and wants to take care at least there's someone who's concerned so what's wrong don't I have the right to be happy that's very very true this is how they are they will say it don't I have the right is it shouldn't there be someone who should take care of me the quality of energy that means today nobody's taking care of anybody award see one is taking care is you know what happens normally in a husband-wife relationship you are taking care of each other but you're taking a lot of care of each other outside you know in terms of the husband's responsibility to earn to get everything that the house needs to get everything that the wife needs and he feels I've taken care and the wife's responsibility of taking care is you know just taking care that all the needs of the husband are met and the family is met and we'll say it's taking care but then we're taking care of everything outside but internally if we are stressed and we feel this have this emotion of being rejected then appreciation and acceptance from somewhere else becomes a very attractive energy supposing the same problem this same woman if she had the same problem fifty years back she would have never even thought of it should've just live like that oh it's small robbers they were just accept and they find happiness in many other things yes but then again right now we are under a lot of stress and anxiety compared to fifty years back no but fifty years back it was not possible to do such things right and also the social acceptance was not there divorce was not thought of still at that time the she would have found something better something else too I mean happiness somewhere else yes maybe with the children neighbors friends maybe in through prayers or religion yeah but again once there is social acceptance to something like this when the divorce is very easily accepted by society then you find it an easy option and what most of the people are saying today is don't I have the right to be happy we've forgotten about we are responsible for the happiness of the rest of the family too and we've started saying don't I have the right to be happy and we've started thinking only about ourselves forgetting the kind of impact that it will have on the rest of the family now what would happen in this case is two kids two kids now the lady and one is 13 one is 18 now this mother feels more comfortable more happy what she feels in the company of somebody else and that she feels is that that happiness is coming from the other person and then it makes you feel that I was not getting happiness from my husband and now I will get happiness from this person and then thoughts like this will start arising now once something like this is out in the open and the whole family knows about it there are there's a lot of care that needs to be taken because we can still heal this relationship in spite of the fact of all these kind of thoughts that are going on in the mind of the lady and probably also the husband this relationship can still be healed provided everybody involved starts creating the right energy most important if we look at it from the perspective of the lady or it could be a husband in another case who is moving away then that soul is getting negative energy from the family defin and now when something like this is known to everybody in the family what's the kind of energy that person is going to get no no it's already know everyone's going to be angry it's gonna hate the person it's going to doubt the person disrespect disrespect now if the rest of the family really wants to get things back to what they were the rest of the family play a very important role right now family and friends anyone who knows about it if they really want this relationship to work they cannot afford to create a single negative thought about this person who's drifted away cannot any any negative thought right now is only going to take that person away where we don't want that person to go it's very difficult it's very easy no it's very difficult for the husband of the children to have there are no negative thoughts for the mother or the the man for his five and when he comes to know about it we might say it's very difficult but if we look at the bigger picture that this is what we want then we have to do it if I want this I have to do this it may be difficult but that's the only way there is no other way this lady will just not be able to come back otherwise so what do you treat it treat it like some kind of a it's like just look at it it's a challenge that's coming to the house there's this problem somebody is moving out we want to get them back the only way is every single thought has to be right empathizing empathizing that she was in pain here and she's got attached to someone else but this relationship matters to us this person matters to us and that's why for the sake of our own relationships not for her sake if we're finding that difficult we may be finding that difficult if the husband the parents the rest of the family realize that for the sake of the relationship for the sake of the family for the sake of the children if they want this woman back they have to create the right thoughts respecting that nothing wrong has happened someone was in pain and that soul drifted away somewhere where the person was experiencing healing it's just a way of looking at it so why why bring her back let it go yeah that's a choice one that's the choice so first and foremost you have to decide do you want to make this relationship work or you want to finish it off you want to finish it directly if I was her I would say sure I want to be where I have with the personnel laughs that you would the lady would say see one now if I look at it from the point of view of this lady who's thinking of moving out and getting married to someone else and then the husband thinks that if he lets her go and divorces her and lets her get married to someone else she will be very happy let's think about it hmm will she be happy well a person who is happy can be happy anywhere what she has just broken off relationships from four to five people and moved away the person she is getting married to has broken off relationships with a whole set of family that side and is getting married to her when these two souls come together they're already carrying a huge amount of guilt both of them huge amount of guilt are they carrying guilt right now if the carrying guilt right now but they still just did they feel what they're doing is right but when they finally get you know if they were to get married they both are going to be carrying a huge package of guilt huge baggage and guilt is a very very powerful deep litter see when you come into a relationship when two people come into a relationship they have to have energy to give a relationship means giving a relationship means acceptance a relationship means respect but if I have a heavy baggage I don't have much to give to people coming and they're gonna start staying together let's say from today carrying huge package so they already don't have much to give each other to give each other both of them have left about four to five people in the past both side who are in pain yeah this lady if she leaves the husband will be in pain surely the children will be in pain now and a lot of pain yes not a little bit of bit in fact a constant pain one family here my family there now two people get into a relationship and they here together and both of them are getting this huge energy of pain from five people on each side big deep litter picked up later now you see two souls coming together both in the mode of expecting more rather than giving both with the baggage of guilt and why do you call it killed killed again when they're in love you don't think this mother will have killed once she leaves her family and goes don't you think she that dad to her children she's here fine I will go and meet them she will go and meet them but when she sees them in pain and when she knows that she is responsible for them being in pain when she sees their personality getting affected when this when she sees social pressure having an effect on them wouldn't she know that it's because of her decision and wouldn't she know that she is the responsible for those two girls might hate that new the new father they wouldn't even be a relationship that sight there is this constant flow of negative energy going towards the soul it might not it could be of hatred but it could also be because they're missing her it's pain it just they just cannot create a positive thought for her anymore if this happens and they're not able to answer the people around school what happens is these children will definitely have an effect on there was not a change yeah they are at a very critical age anyways like you said 16 and 13 or whatever at this time when there's enough of their own things to handle you know children at this age have enough to handle of their own which they are not able to handle and something like this happens their strength their support system has betrayed them will be the belief system someone whom they depended on completely has betrayed them at this age in life they will lose faith in relationships mm-hmm this is very critical a child's belief systems are getting created they will they will forget the concept of trust they will not be able to trust people very easily because someone whom they trusted completely a parent-child relationship someone they trusted completely has betrayed so they will not be able to trust someone very easily after this it's a very big personality disorder it's not a small thing and this lady is responsible for all this happening to her two children whom she's obviously attached so that guilt will definitely be there so two souls coming together already expecting so much carrying the baggage of guilt and then receiving negative energy what energy or what strength or what power do they have left to give in that relationship fighting this thought which this husband is creating that if I let her go and she gets married to this person then she will be happy it's not a rule it's not going to work neither she will be happy neither he will be happy neither although everyone involved but even if they're able to think only for her and think that if they let her go she will be happy then please be rest assured that by letting her go you are only writing a destiny of a lot of pain and misery for her so if you really love her what do we do now we need to make this thing work you know if we really love each other and we care for the relationship let's not use this the easier option we think this is okay let her go get married no the other option is a little more challenging like you said it's very difficult to create a positive thought for this person now but that is the solution and it will work but tell me one thing it's in the husband angry right now doesn't he feel betrayed doesn't he feel cheated doesn't if already he's in pain and you were expecting him to bring her back with love and you're expecting the whole family to treat this person as a patient they're also in pain she yeah but she and the man should man must be an anger yes yes he would just maybe probably even after she comes you might think that I don't know how to but then that is exactly the thing that it relationships meant being able to create the right energy for the other person when the other person needed that but we go into pain when the other person is in pain so whatever you gonna do for it okay you're talking but what happens in real life but this will work in real life and I can tell you it's worked for a lot of couples you seen the girls and the father are already feeling cheated it hurt disillusioned and do you think they respect her enough to go and I'm in treated as some kind of a patient or and why should they do it exactly why should I do it yeah I should do it if I want to make this relationship work that's first and foremost most important thing that men will think I will kick her out or maybe kill that man that is going to be the Darwins exactly the thing so we do not have the strength to heal our relationships whenever there is a slight crisis this is light this is crisis that's all it all just depends on how you look at it it's only a crisis which has come in the family and it's the responsibility of the family to handle the crisis let's say this lady it becomes a victim of a physical illness she can write it could be imagination no let's see let's see suppose she is victim to a physical abuse a physical illness a very critical illness which is a very big challenge for the husband to take care of her did you know take her to the doctor every day spend probably lakhs of rupees on her treatment to everything he has to neglect his business he has to neglect his own health but he has to take care of what'd he do it yes he will why because he understands it's a physical illness and this is what this is an emotional illness and it won't require that much of strength as is required in handling of physical illness it just requires one thought just rising my thinking above the ordinary thinking which is I have to get angry I have to hit I will obviously disrespect I will obviously doubt and mistrust this is one way of thinking and the other way of thinking is let me take my thoughts slightly higher that's what he's doing otherwise he would have never written this mail exactly so it's possible we just need to change our way of looking at the situation if we can handle physical illness there could be people in our family who are ill for yours there could be people who are paralyzed not on the bed for years and the family is taking care so if we can invest so much of time money and energy when a family member is physically ill can we invest some energy if someone in my family is emotionally ill it only requires a little different way of thinking can't even call it a higher thinking just a little different way of thinking and which is okay the soul was in pain she got attracted or attached somewhere else now for the sake of making this relationship work I understand she was in pain when I understand someone was in pain I start respecting the person when I say she cheated me she betrayed me that's energy of disrespect I understand there was something probably missing even from my side know the husband would also have to say that there was probably something missing some dimension missing from my side why this happened so even I am responsible to a certain extent that part of story I don't know because he's urn but you see again if two people in a relationship married for 18 years with such grown-up children if this has happened in the family definitely both are responsible to some extent that agree right so the husband would also have to take slight personal responsibility for what has happened maybe 50 percent whatever percentage but some responsibilities and then the other respect is that yes she was in pain so this happened and now I will heal this back so now I can do one thing to heal first of all take my children in confidence heal them first tell them that we are all healers three of us let's take this as a challenge and let's try let's empathize yeah let's first us try to bring her back it's not about bring her back she is here she's not gone anywhere she is here and we are only going to now help her to heal herself which means we respect her love her understand her and empathize her rather than the other list of doubt her be betrayed by her it's only a change of list and it's very simple and if the whole family – it won't happen in one day this will not happen in one day that they take this decision and she will change or he will change whatever the case may be both the cases are involved in this situation but if the family is able to be this constant support basically a huge amount of positive energy if it flows from the family to this person that energy pulls the person back definitely because anyways this lady is going to be in a conflict it's not very easy for her to take this decision it's not easy Shema seven years she's been in the relationship she didn't get married to the person so see the amount of conflict so if someone is in conflict it means they're still in two minds whether to go that side or come this side and if they have even one thought of coming back this side and if you send the right energy that right energy will pull them back this side it will definitely happen it's just that instead of thinking about them and what wrong they have done let's think about ourselves let's think about what right I can do to make things work and suppose in certain cases let's say not this but in another case where there seems to be no chance of the person coming back and the person has moved away even then I have to think only about myself that what is my right thinking ok the relationship may not have worked or if somebody takes a decision I don't want to continue living with this person so if you decide not to continue living with the person then with that you also decide what way you're going to keep thinking about that person you know sometimes people might move away and not live with each other but internally they're living with each other in pain sure hey do you hating each other that's damaged in certain being that's damaged so just understanding that this was a karmic account and this is where it was supposed to be and the person has moved away now I need to stop creating those thoughts of bitterness because it affects me the rest of the family and it sends a lot of negative energy to that person and in return a lot of pain from that side so whatever may be the situation the solution only comes back to me my self healing my thinking if I change my way of thinking magic can happen in relationships let's shift the focus from what they are doing what they should be doing to make this relationship work and let's shift the focus to what I should be thinking and doing to make this relationship work relationships are here the way we start thinking that will start manifesting outside so it's possible thank you so much sister I hope this magic works and this lady doesn't leave the house and she's back with the two children thank you so much thank you so much / shanthi shanthi peaceful me his son is a secret song champion Oh I'm a peaceful Oh

42 thoughts on “Soul Connection 35 – Extramarital Affair – What to do about it ? – Sr Shivani (English)

  1. I'd be willing to bet a million dollars that If that womans husband left her then that man she was cheating with would leave her.. Or not commit to her… Since the thrill was gone… Chances are high their love would fade… Grass is greener

  2. I m also married,I was also frustrated with everyone. I was thinking no body cares,no one appreciates me.1 year I used to blaming others but sis shivanis inspirational thoughts and her 1 speech when I saw my married life became magically happiest. Everyone u should remember that what u gives to other u will get it back.and I used this formula give love,respect and in short give other what u expect u should get from others.easy way.

  3. I agree with mam. Her new relationship carries guilt..it is weaker. If her husband and family shows compassion instead of anger, she will come out of this new attraction and get back to her family. Love is the answer to every problem

  4. What If the Person despite having a good supportive husband/wife the opposite Person Keeps Relation with other Women or Men All Out Of Nature ?? How To Handel or Cure of The Situation ??

  5. Love is not illness, to restrict love and to make two humans forcefully live togather by engage in marriage is a social crime… And family is for humans, humans are not for family or society…its not natural any way…u r just trying to emotionally blackmail…and selfish..

  6. Sorry mam human psycology is not so predictable and straight lined ..u have just over simplified…and why altime blaming that wife? Wife is result..reason is the rejection from husband..u said.. so if some is to blame or feel guilt its should be the husband only..

  7. Nice discussion. First of all, instead of going away from your partner to get something that you are not getting at home, it is better to tell your partner what you feel about him/her and try to make the partner understand your feelings about their relationship. This will make the partner make changes in his/her behaviour as well . unless you look in the mirror, you don't know how you actually look . this basic step will never allow a person to drift away from the beginning. We all have conflicts in our relationships but discussing the problems can get the best solutions before it is too late . yes when we feel we are neglected by our partners, we must express our feelings and when we give time for the person to change towards us, we can engage ourselves in other constructive activities which we like doing but continue respecting our partner. This will slowly bring about a change in the partner without we even trying to drift away . Divorce is meaningless and only death can seperate the two persons who God had brought together according to his plan and time.yes we must have good relationships with others around but should strictly give the relationships a decent title like that of a brother and sister. If this is made clear in the beginning, then no outsider will ever try to enter your life more than your partner. And we always need to tell our partners about all the outside relationships we have. There is no need sometimes to disclose other people's personal problems as the partner may unknowingly spread it.

  8. What is the point of living in an unhappy situation.. even if the woman comes back, she will remain unhappy because she went to other man bcs of her unhappiness with her husband.. so children will see unhappy father and mother.. parents fighting all the time.. can you fill a cup from an empty pot?
    The lady is already empty devoid of any love.. how can she fill her own cup..

    Would be glad if you can reply back.. and love can never be any kind of illness.. we worship Radha Krishna yet we cannot accept love of human beings

  9. I found this chat funny as the interviewer is a Matured, married, Grown up Man and opposite person is Young Woman having no experience of how a person lives his or her parents, kids, and other's people's life as well.

  10. Well explained and said Sister ..
    I know one family like this and the husband did exactly what sister told and he and his children got her back .. So I am sure , it's possible…

  11. This is very good to listen but nt reality a woman is suddenly givn a characterless title if something like this come there is no acceptance nor by husband nor children nor family..

  12. Physical illness vs Mental Illness – yes this is imp point to note. Empathize, help her to heal herself, constant support, respect, love and what right I can do. Hating each other in pain, if after many years couples leave each other. It is possible to if relations are to be continued. Very nice teachings guruji. Thank you 🙂

  13. only attachment…not to act on it…which will become a sin…i feel…liking someone..feeling happy seeing someone should not be a sin…

  14. love Sister Shivani for her beautiful teaching….But I would say tht Love is like being on a drug..it can happen to anyone…and in this matter even if positive energy is created….love can break all the energies…tht feeling of being in love is very strong…so hence I can only say…to married women/Mens…one should have control on their minds and themselves..and if they dont have control on their minds then they shouldnt get married….because extramartial happens only to partners…who had affairs before marriage.

  15. What about if the husband has married again with another woman… having his own wife also then what to do

  16. Here is a take from the spiritual point of view.
    Before we incarnate we choose the life we would like to live keeping in mind the lessons we need to learn and the Karmas we need to wash off. We choose our parents, our siblings, our family, our husband, and friends and all the people who we will meet in our next life with whom we have Karmas.
    The Karmic connection between spouses is very strong and the ups and downs in a relationship has a lot to do with Karmas.
    At times when all the Karmas have been dealt with between a husband and wife, they feel the urge at soul level to separate and when they do, we call it a divorce. The two souls then gravitate towards others with whom they need to work out their Karmas.
    It is like, you go to school to learn. Once you finish all there is to learn, do you stay back at school? No. You leave school and go to college and then you leave college and go somewhere else where you need to learn further.

  17. To solve any case may be in home or in office or in school or in society every where planning is main things ….be a good planner ….its also require correct environment …..?
    OM SHANTI OM ..
    My state of mind should be in my control …that should not be affected by any negative enery from any source ….every thing should be control by nature .
    Right acceptance creates nature more powerful ….its every one responsibity to fulfill every need …..we can try …..if it is upto our mark…..

  18. Empathizing is not very easy .its quite bit a difficult thing .its require right energy …that can be achieve only from right environment …should be created by right person ….to get a solution of any problem.own guilty should be counted by him only.that should be measure by god .om shanti om.

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