Sacha Baron Cohen (Ali G) Class Day | Harvard Commencement 2004



I am John Paul Fox a class marshal from Mather house and I'm Zach corker also a class marshal from the Great Mather house and we are here to introduce to you the guest speaker of class day 2004 our beloved president Larry Summers defines the chord mission of Harvard University as the advancement of new ideas in the promotion of knowledge and we all the students of Harvard College have been embraced this mission every day every hour every minute of for the past four years when considering the choice of this year's guest speaker the senior class committee sought above all else to find an individual who would quench our thirst for knowledge satiate our intellectual appetite and send us forth into the world with a greater understanding of why we are here an individual with such capacity is rare I am however happy to announce to you that we have found him mr. Ali G has dedicated his life to the pursuit of knowledge and truth as an interviewer he is his ability to ask the hard question has put him on the same level as IDI Bradley Diane Sawyer and the much esteemed Arsenio Hall he has enlightened our world with his interviews of US political figures such as Newt Gingrich Ralph Nader and dick thornburgh he has also uncovered how David David Beckham likes to bend it in all seriousness however this is the man who put the extra Boutros in Boutros Boutros boutros-ghali throughout all mr. G has embodied an intellectual curiosity and a tenacious pursuit of Veritas that should serve as a model for us all and now without further ado ladies and gentlemen of the class of 2004 we present to you the host of Ali G show and leader of the West Staines massiv we present to you our main man mr. Ali G Iza now is a no booyakasha professor G in the outside big shout going out to the Harvard massive as done a capital H cuz Harvard is a place in it you see I ain't no ignoramus things are apple and orange don't start with the capital letter unless they start off for sentence but some few brain boxes probably no doubt already in it my name be Ali G and me represent the UK you okay wherever for those of you didn't study geography the UK is a place over hundred miles away from me the capital fit is anyone now not you geography square yes it's Liverpool clever and quite fly if you don't mind me saying first of all as gotta say that as a bit nervous speaking to so many of you at least me would be if I wasn't totally mashed normally the only public speaking that we does is to 12 people and it's well easy when we have to say is my name in the words not guilty check it me agreed to speak here today because we wanted to talk to the brightest minds of our generation to see what makes Harvard so special and also because they agreed to pay for me flyover in a hotel room sorry to bring this up now but when you was told that your hotel bill is being paid for you naturally assume that that includes essential extras like breakfast and special-interest pay-per-view movies in it imagine my surprise when this morning I was given a bill four hundred and sixty four dollars me was actually trying to save Harvard money by by under 24 hour fest packages at $19 $99 99 young and tight back to a burglar truly back to a burglar free campus confessions Asian fever shaving bar sawed out twice cold mountain that was a mistake backdoor burglar for about four hundred and ninety bucks I mean come off it some of it was even research for this sure one of the cheerleaders in Ivy League amateurs was wearing a Harvard sweatshirt in fact a low darlin respect I expect you need a cushion to sit down on I she's an artist anyways I digest it is a well big honor to be ox tear today to think that so many great people has been educated there like Lyndon Baines Johnson as he missed none JFK also President George Clinton was there in error thing and also the one before him you know and William Tell is he one of your lot probably and some bloke with her hat but most importantly that really fit on me from Star Wars if you is out there mid love till Natalie Mia staying at the Best Western Hotel he's got a really nice room although since this morning they Massport parental lock on the TV as miss sandy today looking at only you on your first day of university me think me thinks food the things make enough for you wisdom experience but most importantly of all 22 ounces of the finest Moroccan chronic well that is if the X Lacs works to be honest to be honest I usually go at 11:00 in the morning but nothing there in fact we'd appreciate it if one of the medical students say wouldn't mind taking a look don't worry it's clean as a whistle you could eat your lunch of it in fact we Julie has I know you don't want that kind of thing does you respect Amy now you is the most cleverest ER students in America some of you is probably boolean accounting you know 1 2 3 4 I could go on easy others of you will be bullying in English I have memorized the entire alphabet a 2x and even be able to spell words like a Potamus credible is also well clever me was so brainy that we finished my education 6 years before any of you at the age of 15 even the teachers admitted that there was nothing else that them could teach me you students you as come here from every corner of the u.s. from the rainforests of Arizona to the deserts of Alaska some of you is probably never even seen a black man before hello there is all types of people here and it's fantastic to see there Alfred is finally letting so many women a lot of you is probably feminists or as we call them in England lasers I agree with you relationships should be brought into this the 20th century you women out there shouldn't have to do the cooking and the cleaning when you come home from work you should do it before you leave in the morning in it also you women should only have to do off the housework it's only fair that your mom should do the other often but more importantly it's wicked they know that young women and men gets to learn so many amazing subjects some of you ear will have been studying medicine that knowledge comes with a lot of responsibilities remember doctors is well powerful people you can give laugh you can cure disease and you can ask to see a woman without getting slapped for those of you study in history you probably learn enough about the presidents like who was Jefferson and what did Lincoln give America apart from the town car some of you is the best legal students in the country you would know without even having to think about it how to get someone off a charge of possession and if any of you do then room 204 Great Western Best Western in it just do me a favor put your ear to the door and don't come in if your hears me shouting Natalie player for me light saber it was well app use brought your grandparents in it let's talk about the finances of food acknowledged that's been dropped on you the last few years it costs thirty-eight thousand dollars a year to go to Harvard now I don't know how you lot has earned that apart from you and you is earn every penny but most of you has got that cash from your parents oh you farmers out there you is made some choices with that money you could have bought a top-of-the-range Lexus but instead you chose to invest in your kids future is you mental if you has got other kids neobux you don't make the same mistake again in it does you realize how many honey's you can get with four legs hello sweetness my son's got half of the green what kids or a low darling want to check out the DVD play in the back I oh what's that ostrich lever not inappropriate not inappropriate that was in the balance that one sir students give it up to your parents give me out for them respect them all right enough enough all right chill out let's talk about the future your future a lot of you is probably worried about employment unfortunately most of you will end up getting jobs especially now you has got the burden of a degree you is the elite you'll be tomorrow's captains of industry sitting in front of me is probably the next Bill Gates Donald Trump and even Ronald McDonald and even if you can't be ronald himself most of you is probably mcdonald's team leader material by the way if any of you ever gets to do business with sir ronald a word of advice don't mention the size of his feet him is well sensitive about it we made they've actually met him and him said that even though he may seem like he's always smiling there's a sadness in their eyes cause of them fee all the money in the world science still can't do nothing maybe that's something that some of you MIT nerds can think about in it you lot will become powerful people can change the future and you need to because the world at the moment is totally a blank blank blank blank up you know the word I've been told ain't allowed to say you know you know you know the rude world you definitely know with the old team anyhow you is got to think about the problems in the world because you've got to sort them out in it look at the environment in a hundred years time there won't be no more rainforests the ice caps will have melted actually that's an hundred years time so ain't gonna be around them so don't worry about that one but there's other things look at the state of family today girls is having sex at younger ages there's an increase in absentee father's and more and more people is having affairs but we shouldn't just concentrate on the good things believing in something is easy is easy doing something about it is hard actions speak louder than birds us who got great potential to become great Americans and remember America is the greatest this country in the whole world apart from Jamaica and Holland oh yeah and Thailand cuz you got water girls you know and probably some others but you is definitely in the top twenty you people is the future you has the chance to change the world to actually improve the lives of people to change to change the life for the poor or you could go a Wall Street and earn millions get plasma screen chinchilla coat a series of meaningless relationships with gold-digging women who do things and return for bling don't waste the opportunity that God has given you I'll see you in Wall Street let's wrap this up now because we can feel something moving down below really regretting taking your grandparents now so what is I open to take away with me from this time in Harvard's new friends different ways of thinking about the world and as many laptops as we may Davis managed to Nick from your dorms while you has been sitting there listen to me strolling but I have got ideals too just like the great civil rights leader Martin Luther Vandross I has got a dream of little black girls and little white girls playing with each other let's make it happen by the way Kofi Annan speech is pretty much like this tomorrow Amy's gonna have to come up with a whole new material I look out and I see thousands of people with different hopes but it's important never to forget where you come from because black white brown or Pakistani we all comes from the same place the punani jobless big up yourself Princeton keep it real with that not me managing okay alright well all we're here my pleasure I guess he said it all you didn't really have anything else well it's my pleasure to introduce Vinita Liao from cabin house marshal from cavitus it's my pleasure to announce you need to carry a new class module from Dunster house much love to the girls from appspot well we've a little present for Ally Jay I'm have senior class going to wait for him to come back to our acceptance so but one of his put him back right now or if he's not on behalf of the senior class like to thank you for coming to your class day speaker little picture of all of us huh I see didn't I'll give it to the police officer to take it back for you and I guess it's very appropriate now yeah to initiate you into the class of 2004 we would like you to join us as we toast you with our first class marshal shotgun yeah and I so didn't salute ality right well the users about your strategy possible for later on

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