Pix the Cat is like Flicky had a baby with a Pac-Man- Snake hybrid. It’s one hundred per cent retro, evoking a feeling of standing at an arcade machine, the screen becoming your entire world as neon pulses to the chiptune beat. I have no idea if the game has joystick support but even wearing down my thumbs hammering away at the cardinal directions of a d-pad teleports me straight into the eighties.
So well done Pix the Cat you’ve successfully made me nostalgic for an era I wasn’t even alive to witness. That might have been all there was to say. The game knows its premise and executes it well. Compelling is not the right word ’cause there’s no real narrative and I’m wary about calling the game addictive for fear of conjuring up thoughts of microtransactions (ugh) but it is. I keep playing it over and over desperately wanting to improve my score and get past… [Echoing] Level Nine. In the early thirteen-hundreds, a man named Dante wrote a self-insert fic in which the Roman poet Virgil whisked him a way for a tour through Hell, Purgatory and Heaven. The first part details his journey through the nine circles of Inferno and you can probably see where this is going actually. Buckle up kids, I’m about to go Brian David Gilbert on you all so let’s jump right in. The first circle is Limbo. This is basically where you go if you ain’t bad per se but you ain’t going to Heaven. I like to think of this as the intro screen. Pix is confined to the world but not yet in Hell proper. They’re yet to be reduced to 2D and forced to proceed deeper and deeper and I will admit this isn’t the strongest start but Dante basically just made this circle up himself because he liked the number nine so bear with me. In at number two is Lust. I was conducting some research for this video and I stumbled upon this thing called Rule 34 and… Pix obviously draws inspiration from Pac-Man, and what did Pac-Man literally have to do in order to complete the levels? Eat. See? Also, the modes are named Starter, Main and Dessert so it’s not as tenuous as it seems. Okay, this one’s quite similar to the previous one but consider this: Pix has to collect every egg before they can proceed to the next level. You might call it a game mechanic, I call it Greed. Pastagames, the developers of Pix the Cat, have a list of other games that they’ve made on their website. One of these is called Baby Life and its description states that some babies get lost in the woods. That might have worked for Dante but the Bible states that children are a gift from god. Therefore… Heresy… I think. The Violence circle is interesting, it’s split into various rings, one of which contains violence against art. Look at this and tell me that art came out of that unscathed. Look. I don’t know. The whole idea came to me in the spur of a moment and I’ve put too much into it now to quit. But stick with me and just like Virgil I’m gonna guide you down to see Satan. It’ll be great. Before that I’m gonna mention that the game has a time limit that you’re made constantly aware of just like how Dante seems constantly aware of the time while he’s in Hell. I didn’t know where else to bring that up. This is where the Devil himself chills out. Literally, he’s trapped in ice. Eternally chewing on Judas, Brutus and Cassius with each of his three heads. Listen for a moment and tell me that isn’t the voice of Lucifer himself spurring you on, encouraging you to go deeper. [Game, overlapping] Impressive, Bravo, Well done, Congratulations, Hooray for you, Correctamundo. [Game] U GOT NO SKILL. And at the end of the day, if you’ve only learnt one thing from the absolute mess of this video, it’s that Satan… is German. [Game] WUNDERBAR!