LOSING IT Over James Acaster’s HILARIOUS Band Story | 8 Out of 10 Cats Best of S20

what do you guys get dry this off I get career jealous career jealous yeah I get jealous of North Korea yeah I found out one of the highest-paid actresses in England is the witch of wiki whole did kid show no she's actually in wookie hole which is a cave and she just pops out at people and she's just a wish and that's a proper job that she's on like 40 grand a year for that so you jealous have a witch that lives in a cave you know I think we can probably get you've made anyone very jealous well my friend Mike and I he lives near the cafe where I drink very strong coffee and I go to his house and do sometimes and I and I did one recently there was so big the question again the question was that's a sweet job you don't marry you still live with your mom I know your mom my problem with your mom is too much information TM the first two chapters of the book she was raving yeah yeah that's something I can never forget sort of a memoir of her sexual history she wrote it to me and my brother already know 15 books a cry I can say it I think it's not gonna go anywhere right see the taller one of your mom's book so she was working on one of her chapters of you know many sexual exploits that she's had late into the night in her house and Rob has taken up this new habit of night eating where he's kind of like half asleep and he walks downstairs and he gets snacks from her fridge or whatever so he went to get ice cream from the fridge but um he was stark naked and she saw his bollocks all right if your memoirs and she looked down he's like oh sorry Gwen and just covered it up and walked out with the ice cream make up a story about my mother-in-law seeing my testicles nice way to meet people like you what do you think what do you do to make people like you I don't really have to try so what do you what do you do do you do the thing that a lot of people do is smile and laugh to make people comfortable but I've got quite a pungent laugh to me oh it's people have described it as infectious but not in a good way you've got weird top thing people wish they were better at having a bath clean yourself clean in I don't feel clean after a bath but just sitting in fact in order to clean your bitch you've got you can't just if you put like the soap or like the shower gel when you're and then you go in it's not gone in the water before its touch escape when you're when you're popping out to do the little clean do you have to do that face this is the issue Jimmy have a bath so don't matter what my face is do it does it no good at going up stairs stairs too long for one step at a time but not long enough for two so our after lunch up will do little shuffles can't take memory sticks out of my computer that was taken out unexpectedly night word I know I was gonna do it children's books which are I mean I've got the statistics here much less successful quantified the joy you bring to children but yes I bring a lot of joy to children carry on so you bring your children books a viewer I have written a series of books called danger is everywhere which is as good as Harry Potter sensible question about it who's in the films of your books when I first sorting the news he said NHS dealing with a virus before it's been a slow news day the flu jab you won't be in this problem well we're yeah so it got hacked the NHS got hacked and yet basically all the computers got locked up and then locked up I don't know what the computers have blocked up do you think they were using Microsoft instead of Apple because that way the doctors were turning up an apple a day should be making ourselves smarter and not robots smarter and I feel like in 10 years time we're all gonna be hidden down in the bottom of a bunker afraid to say anything in case our hair straighteners hear us get too attached to them though you know like cuz I can't have a poon now unless I got my phone in my hand literally conditioned myself then my bowels will not engage unless I'm playing you know I'm gonna say my only cut my toenails when I do a poo just sitting there doing nothing you just get around just start just start chopping away you mean you're not doing that fit you having a are you cutting your toenails dry what yeah okay I'll only ever come my tell us after I've been in the bath a la because you're chugging your nails go really soft because then they don't go flying around that's you know all over the pace in my bed [Applause] I've got ensuite of on-street it's just since the controversy came out and inside they asked Edward Snowden's opinion and since that Edwards they always askin Edward Snowden's opinion okay we get it Edwards got an opinion but they asked about everything that Nixon be like so what do you think of Kim Kardashian I know the man that said what do you think [Laughter] don't care what Edward stone everyone I was in a band called pin drop singer court could Lloyd and he sang real nice beautiful vocals in BAM practice and then we had a our first gig and he was like you gonna perform me and an I'll come on later on and we're playing songs I'm gonna where he is and then he jumped on stage in a dress which he hadn't warned us about he just shouted to shout a horrible shout Evo calls for the whole gig and after to Lloyd that was not the plan about it he was kind of when guys I'm so sorry honestly I don't know what came over me and what happened again we had another gig and we get down Lloyd test B you guys go on you start playing it out come on okay we'll do that Lloyd remember what happens when man good and we're playing and then you run on in the dress again and we're like well tell him not to do that so that's kind of okay let me show it but not just show it for the whole gig jump it up in the air and every time he landed it flipped the audience off and we said to him afterwards Lloyd we made it real clear not to do that and you did it again it's like listen guys I owe you guys an apology for the bottom of my heart I'm sorry about that and next week's gig I'm absolutely 100% not going to do that again then we had a fire cake and Lloyd went to me you guys and then I'll come on later laughs like Lloyd I would have say this very clearly to you if you shout again you are out of this bad food I swear to God that we're playing the intro and then he runs through the audience it's a even more of a road movie people from Lloyd he bought a different dress this time but Fair Play hadn't mentioned the dress and he also I know it was us had had drawn a dick on his form right forward to myself that is a bad sign then he got the bike and he screamed this not shouting hollow balls screaming and then halfway through the kick he took his dress off it's just in these tighty whities I did someone has written Susie was here across his chest an arrow pointing down to his real dick and then after the gig Lloyd we have made this very clear you're not allowed to shout anybody but how does looking guys on a second and then he walked over walked outside and there's some boys he turned up on a bicycle and always saw off with the glasses they talked to him and he nodded to them and we heard him say I'm in a band called pinch he got halfway free pin drop and one of them knighted him I'm sorry for the way and then we couldn't kick him out the banks we felt sorry for him and he stood in the band to this day [Applause] you

22 thoughts on “LOSING IT Over James Acaster’s HILARIOUS Band Story | 8 Out of 10 Cats Best of S20

  1. If the witch only works on school holidays (as suggested by the Wookey Hole website) and s/he gets £50.000 per year for that (as suggested by several newspaper articles), I'd say there's reason to be jealous. Or am I just being cheap?

  2. I was just about to comment about how unfunny the guy is. Then I heard his bit… yeah, he’s fucking terrible.

  3. Is acaster a comedian? I know comedy is subjective but how the fuck is desperately unfunny cunt considered funny

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