Joe Lycett’s FUNNIEST Stories!! | 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown | Best of Joe Lycett



one thing I hate at Christmas but just all of the year is when people engrave messages into jewelry like sentimental messages is a website I found that has really horrible examples this one maybe you want to give to your partner a little gesture of your love for one another you might want to write our love is timeless onto a Tim $19.99 that's the other thing that I found was a necklace for somebody who's died which has got until we meet again that special someone I find these offensive if I'm honest and so what I thought I'd do is see how offensive I could get with an engraver and so I got in contact with a friend of mine who works in Birmingham's jewelry quarter for some contacts of some engravers and this is one Texas exchange I have I wrote hello I'm looking to get a message engraved on a bracelet can you help the reply was sure what is the text for the bracelet I just went straight in and I replied the police they agreed to it I said ha that's different should be fine let's see how far we can go at it will need to be quite small as it will be for a child no reply another one I did hello Paul will call him I want a bracelet engraved with a heartfelt message have you any availability thanks Joe he replied I could do the next couple of weeks what sort of bracelet slash message I replied I need a rose gold bracelet engraved with you're not my real dad sorry no can do I said do not do rock Fonz I won't engrave that message so I just thought well let's see where I can go with Paul so I said how about I Love You Sandra he said yes obviously I can do that so poor can you do it in the shape of a swastika well Jimmy I get a lot of parking fines and I have realized if you ask for evidence then often you can get out of the fine now I was up north doing a show and I got a fine so I emailed the council asking for the evidence I got an email from some woman called Steph they said mr. lacet I have passed your email on to the freedom of information team hopefully they'll be in touch with you soon now I didn't like that word hopefully so I replied Steph sadly hopefully doth butter no parsnips can I have an email address for the person you have contacted my lawyers would like to contact them directly you have been very helpful and hopefully you won't get caught up in the forthcoming forthcoming with sinister enough mr. no sir I'm not sure what you mean about Buttered past ICC didn't the FOI team who will advise now I got an email from someone called Colin he said mr. lacet your request is very broad so I've assumed you only want information person into your recent parking van attached is the evidence which we have which are photographs of your car clearly parked in a taxi right now the photographs they had are of my window which has taxi rank written on it by presumably a disgruntled taxi driver there's actually no evidence of a taxi rank in that photograph so I went back to Colin didn't I mr. Colin when you assume you make an ass out of you and me I see that your evidence is nothing more than a picture of the words taxi rank written on my car I would argue this evidence is insufficient I also put PS apologies for the delay and replying to your previous email I'm currently on the Costa del Sol I provided evidence of this and then I just put this picture [Applause] and said mr. Lysa in order to reverse the find you will need to provide evidence that your vehicle was not in a taxi rank so I said old mr. Kollin evidence supplied I was actually parked on the moon as you can see clearly [Applause] mr. Lasser I've canceled the fire issues your first time on cats does count as a player yes I think you're gonna do badly because I'm not very good at spelling I'm not very good at maths but you've been with Suzy on numerous occasions I have nothing well she taught me lots but it sort of hasn't stuck reason I'd wanted to avoid dictionary corner is the last couple of times have been in dictionary corner clips of my performances have ended up on lab based face book page lab Bible uni labs have labs more like a choking seal well I would sort of differentiate between the two eyes so ideally want a little pause okay Oh a good one is that straight to be fair with you young man Sam you're a dictionary corner you ended up on on lads yeah I consider myself to be quite laddie but the people commenting on chav lads don't think I'm that Latty right especially somebody that talks like me I'm cha Vlad gets a sort of response that you would get if you go to sort of a dinner party and say what you think of brexit and then open a box of wasps so I'm trying to go under the radar have you got a mascot this evening joke yes I have so one thing every time I've been on the show I always feel like that clock goes quickly and I don't trust it who I do trust is pam's and Clement and now this is a clock that I have in my bedroom and I trust it with my life so I'll be using a camera's the timer is rather than GMT it's PST pumps and Clementine realize how sort of cat like she looked with when I'm in that sort of a twenty five to six she starts to look a little bit sort of French John you got my school yes well I've checked the countdown rules because obviously two unknown elements say I didn't know how good you were gonna be there's no rule against receiving help from the dead so I've brought in a Ouija board just think what could possibly go wrong various points tonight I may go into a trance-like State hopefully we'll get a bit of action it's got all the classic symbols on it the letters the numbers the Sun and the moon for when it's bedtime the ghost to tell you and then when they've finished they're polite they just say good bye the ghost takes a long time to spell cheerio well you got over that script I'm auditioning for Oh why are you checking out where you die I submit my friends I don't die in my films no if you're watching backwards watch your films backwards why on earth would your watching forwards this one's a romantic comedy your play year one of the lovers in it but I need someone to test me on me lines Lord lie sit would you do me this honor yeah along gratitude I've taken the liberty to change the names of the characters just so it's easier to remember so I'll be playing Sean okay Who am I playing not Sean action Sean I have feelings for you what's meal I ask do I write I'm never gonna remember that change it to busted action Shawn I have feelings for you bastard I need to feel your body against mine nope I've gone blank watch me live as do I just not sticking change that one to bastard as well this time add a touch of arousal me or you I need to feel your body against mine bastard they kiss right be gentle No [Applause] they took a Keitaro while you're at it is bisexual so although he's in dictionary corner today he'd be equally at home in vagina corner

43 thoughts on “Joe Lycett’s FUNNIEST Stories!! | 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown | Best of Joe Lycett

  1. I just love how David Walliams seems to be almost paralysed in a muted state of awe, love, and admiration for Joe in this clip.

  2. For receiving a parking fine "if you ask for evidence often you will get off" thanks for amazing advice. Please support greta thunberg everyone

  3. There is nothing chaotic about being Bisexual. It is the primary thought of the primitive mind(one or the other) that hates the idea. Its the primary feeling of jealousy for both genders enjoying sexuality and not just one.
    Being bisexual is the true happiness of any sexual being!

  4. The guy 8 mins in, in the suit of armour is trying too hard to be funny…. And it didnt make me chuckle or smile once

  5. Re the fine-in Australia where i am, the first red light cameras weren't popular(yes this was 20/30 years ago). A friend was sent a photo of his car going through a red light at 2am, along with a computerised fine notice for $100. He sent back a photo of a $100 note. He then received a photo of a set of handcuffs. Upon which, he thought,"Well played" and paid the fine

  6. The kissing part is just pathetic and shows the lack of cognitive ability/ ethical standards that moronic NPCs have. Oh and F U C4 scum!

  7. Is "B*****d " thing at the end a joke at the expense of GOT (mainly Alisser Thorne)? Hes wearing the Uniform (more or less) and thats all Alisser pretty much says.

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