Well, King Bach is here.
He hasn’t been here. But is it, uh– It’s
just “Bach,” I’m-I’m hearing. -Yeah, it’s just “Bach.”
-Yeah. Because the “King”–
I thought that royal family one -might throw you off
a little bit. -Yeah. Mm-hmm. -You are from here. You’re…
-It’s copywritten. -Okay, good.
-Yeah. Uh, but, uh, Bach is here. Cristela,
you’ve been here before. Yes, I have.
It’s good to be next to you. Oh, yeah. Thank you.
That’s nice. -(hooting)
-Sweater we… -Whoa. Is that why she’s back? I don’t know. Take any reason. Uh, okay, we’re getting right
into this garbage. The movie Cats– you’ve heard
about– comes out Friday. -Ugh. -Big stars are in it.
Uh, Jason Derulo’s in it. He says that his penis is not.
Uh… Jason is complaining
that his huge wiener was CGI’d out
because it’s too big. I mean, humble brag! -Yeah.
-I’m so tired of hearing about this dude’s huge hog. Erik, does your dick
have another Fitbit by itself? It actually does.
(laughs) He kind of look
like Black Panther on vacation. -Don’t he? -That’s right.
He does. That’s… But if you can CGI things out,
I mean, maybe we can CGI out this belly,
you know what I mean? -No, that’s a lot of work.
-No. That’s… This is Comedy Central. It’s about… They kind of had to CGI it. I mean, then he’d have
to play, like, a two-headed cat. Yeah, I mean, it’s like what– who’s gonna see the movie
and go, “I like the cat
with the huge (bleep)”? -Yeah.
-It doesn’t make any sense. -They really took it out.
Look at that. -Yeah. -It’s gone. -I know,
but-but why is he always, like– You don’t– He don’t know
his hog is out like that? Like, everywhere he goes, he’s
always like, “Hey, everybody.” -I know. -No, if you had it,
why wouldn’t you? -If you got it, flaunt it,
right? -“Oh, my God. -Oh, it’s here, okay? Don’t…”
-He sees the photographer. -I mean, come on. -Yeah.
That’s why he’s complaining that he can’t see it
in the movie. He wants to see his work. The hardest part about this
is he has to slam it in a drawer three times
before they take the picture. “Ready? Go, go, go.
Now, now, now.” “Got to do my…” This happened to me
in Grown Ups. -What happened was…
-(laughing) -My wiener always…
-Wait, which part? My wiener ends up
on the cutting room floor. It’s Sandler.
He cuts it out every time. But this is an exciting story.
I’m really excited to see. I don’t want to see the review “(bleep) steals show
from pussy.” So dirty. So– Take that out. Take that out. My mom was
on yesterday. I can’t do that. -(applause)
-Uh, we’ll move it along. -Instagram– Bach, listen up–
-Yes. is launching a feature
that will warn users before writing
something inappropriate. If people stop writing
dumb stuff, it’s gonna ruin Instagram. It’s not called ThinkTwiceGram. It’s called Insta.
Like, you just say it. I think on the other end,
we should have like… Everybody should have
their outrage meter, okay? -SPADE: Yeah.
-So you should be like… You can say anything you want,
or sensitive bitch. SPADE:
Yeah. Oh, you mean… And then you can put, like…
So wherever it is on your rank, then you can hear anything
you want on the thing, ’cause is this, like…
this is gonna be terrible. ALONZO:
But, like, does… Do they think it’s gonna work?
Like, if I want to troll you, and I’m, like, you know like, -“Erik Griffin is,
like, an asshole.” -Right. You know, and then,
they’re like, -“Hey, you want
to rethink that.” -Go on. -Yeah. Then I’m like,
“Oh, I’m sorry.” (muttering) -Right.
-Like, you know what I mean? -No, I’m sure. -It’s, like,
if I’m gonna be a bitch, I’m gonna be a bitch.
You know what I mean? Like… -Yeah, that’s right.
You can’t… -Wow. -I’m reporting you right now.
-Yeah, report. Block, report, delete for you. This is only gonna
let you know that -if your trolling, you did it
right. -ALONZO: Exactly. You’re actually so good at it,
they’re like, “Oh!” They’re making it, like, you’re
like, “Ooh, I got a warning.” This is it. Send. -Yeah.
-But it blocks words. Like, it says it stops you
when you’re typing it. But what words would even count? I know, and now I got to go
by someone else’s judgment. BACH: Yeah.
And what if they speak Spanish? Like, “puta” means “bitch”
in your culture, but that’s what my mom made
for dinner last night. -You know what I mean?
-(laughter) Wait a minute.
Your mom made bitch last night? She sure did. It was good as a bitch. Now, poontang is a burrito. -Is…? No.
-(laughter) -I’m way off. I’m way off.
-Wait a minute. I’m the Rosetta stone
all of a sudden?