If Pet Adoption Was Honest

I don’t like the vet because they end up having all these flyers of all these pets that need adopted you know, they’ll have like a picture You know the cat, and then they’ll have a description But they’ll have the description as though the cat wrote it And so it’s like “Hi I’m Pickles. the most enchanting feline in hollywood I’m a sassy lady, who’s somewhere between, ages 5 and 19 my hobbies include Loving you and waiting for you to come home By for meow” I’m like, who wrote that? A dog? whoever wrote that doesn’t know shit about cats If a cat wrote it it’d be like, “hi, i’m pickles pet me and I’ll claw your scrotum off i’m between ages 5 and 1,000 cause cats can’t die my hobbies include peeing in your pillowcase yep Don’t come home cause it’s mine now now, bitch” *hissing* You can’t just introduce an adult cat into your house it doesn’t work like a cat is like a terminal illness It’s easier if you’ve had it from the beginning *Laughs* you ever talk to somebody who’s adopted a cat? They’re not… doing well! they’re always like, “Yeah, yeah, we just rescued a cat.” How’s that going? “Well, we sleep outside” The sprinkler systems keep us on our toes My favorite thing is to go back to the vet a month later to see all the, all the flyers of the homeless owners “hi I’m Greg Pickles evicted me. I need a place to live, and a scrotum” Hey guys, thank you so much for sticking around to the end of the Video um we uh? I feel, like i’m a stand-up comedian at my core and that’s a piece of me that i want to share With you guys. The reason i started this channel Was to help expand on what it is that i do so i hope you guys Do come to support stella and I at a live show and if you have been to a Live show, why don’t you share your experience in the comment section below We’re gonna go through pick some of our favorite comments to give away some free t-shirts What? Are you crazy? look at you you, with your naked torso. You’re t-shirt-less, and we’re gonna supplement that for you whhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ?????

100 thoughts on “If Pet Adoption Was Honest

  1. I think this is my favorite set of yours, keep up the amazing work !!

    -much love from Michigan <3

    insta: @photography_byrose

  2. I love your acts and all, but not this one. this isn't funny. you make cats sound so bad. they're not. they're individuals, as are dogs and people. it just makes people hate cats (even more if they already do), and lessen their adoptions from shelters or off the streets… which results in them being put down and killed.

  3. As an animal rescuer who writes the animals rescue story exactly how Drew described (as if the animal wrote it) I have to say that I am TRIGGERED

    into a laughing frenzy, that is!!! ??? Just hearing you say Pickles had me going. lol
    Another gem of a video, Drew. As always, thanks for the laughs!

  4. I would love to see a show, but I'm disabled (chronic pain). You're comedy has helped me through a lot of hard times. It reminds me to get going forward because "disabilities" are just a part of my character now. I still have worth. Thank you for all the giggles!

  5. you love cats really, you're just in denial, but as the old saying goes – cats were worshiped as gods in Egypt and to this day have never forgotten it LOL, also that was funny because it was true

  6. Do you know how many cats and kittens are euthanized in shelters every day in this country? 1.4 million. Believe it or not, some people actually look up to you and may not adopt a cat because they’ve seen this video or heard it at one of your shows. Just like dogs, all cats personalities are unique. I’ve had at least 20 cats in my home over the years…as many as 5 at one time of my own personal pets and I’ve never been clawed, I’ve never had one use the bathroom outside of a litter box (except newborn kittens that I’ve fostered. They have to be stimulated to go potty on a paper towel/tissues because all puppies and kittens get stimulated to urinate/defecate by their mother licking them) and they’ve all wanted to be in our laps and to be petted.

  7. That routine sounded suspiciously like Stella had her paw up Drew's back side, was working him like sock puppet and was throwing her voice.

  8. How old is this video? It looks pretty old. And is it just me or does his stutter sound better now. Like I know he hates it when people say that but it sounds so much better in like his newest video.

  9. I wish I could come to one of ur shows do u think u can book in Tennessee or arkansas. The one show that I could go to is already sold out so yay u and stella

  10. lmao, i have two cat's that's so close to true you have no idea! .they lay in the floor so we step over them, they get in our chairs at the computers, and sleep alot but they are really funny when they are a wake. lol and they follow me ever where. well mine does he's what we call a COG. lol or a DAT.

  11. I saw you for the first time on America’s Got Talent, and I have loved you since! I think you’re the best thing since sliced bread and I love you and Stella! I also think that you’re incredibly talented and handsome.

  12. I’d LOVE ? to come to a live show but you need to come to Melbourne Australia first!! PRETTY PLEEEEEEEEEEEASE?? ??????

  13. who agree With Me Cats Like Womens Give Them Affection They will Be with Forget once They Will Jump on other Lap Simple Cat And also she Forget Easy Like a Girls after Break Up ugh Man the Rest of his life Still Remember XD hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

  14. You must've had some bad cat experiences. My cats have never scratched me or anyone else. I did, however have my face bit by a dog. So, there's that.

  15. I just bought some tickets for when you're in Kentucky this January! I love how you don't cuss that much and how you are super funny but also very respectful. Thank you for always putting a smile on our faces. You deserve everything good that is happening to you! I hope my husband likes his Christmas present ?

  16. I love this guy. The first time i saw him was on AGT and ever since have been a big fan. I have never seen a live show but damn I'd love to.

  17. Hey Drew please come to Fort Worth, Texas! There are 6 of us that would love to see you live but are unable to make it all to Houston due to various reasons.

  18. "Hi I'm Pickles. Pet me and I'll claw your scrotum off." L M F A O omg I'm crying over here that's so funny. Awesome set man.

  19. I watched this video while getting my car inspected on silent. I LMAO at just the caption!! I hope you come to Dallas soon!!

  20. This has to be one of your best bits and really anything you say about cats! I was watching at work and drew a bit too much attention with my belly laughs! I can barely see right now from the laugh tears so I hope im spelling correctly. Hope to see you live soon.

  21. This was positively phenomenal!!!
    As the owner of 8 adopted cats I can tell you that had I seen any true to life ads, well, let’s be honest…I suppose I probably would have still been stupid enough to adopt the little bastards anyway but at least I would have gone into it honestly.
    However, it truly is worth the occasional pitfall and I’ve found it very rewarding.
    Thank you for bringing some VERY much needed humorous light into what we do.

  22. ? I’ve never had a cat like that. Mine have been nice…demanding but nice. I would love to see a show but I haven’t seen any recents shows that are in Virginia. I’m not typically a fan of comedians because they don’t make me laugh. But you do.

  23. My cat was a rescue cat and she’s FAT.
    I don’t know how it’s happened, she eats my other cats food, and just sleeps.

  24. First description of pickles is literally my two cats. They actually wait for me to walk in both just sitting there like hi mom!!!

  25. I’ve watched you from AGT till now And I usually don’t subscribe. But. I’ll for sure do it. Because. I always end up watch dog vlog. Every day. Re watch old ones and the new ones of the week. I think your a fantastic comedian Your hilarious. And I send video clips to all of my friends. And say. Just shut up and watch it. Every one of them responded with who is this guy and why have I not heard of him sooner You got them rollin Especially the one from Conan Lookin forward to dog vlog as long as you keep makin it my man ..Thanks

  26. in this video, the outro, you looked hurt inside. like you were fine and wanted to do an outro and blah blah blah but i get the feeling you arent really happy for some reason. just me?? probably lol

  27. I love you man ?? I've followed you since AGT. When you normally here a stuttering comic, the majority of the comedy comes from the way it's said. Drew, your material could be set by a stutter-free comic and it would still be hilarious. You're fucking awesome mate. Keep it up ??

  28. Haven't seen you yet but have tickets for July 21!!! Never been to a comedy club so I'm so excited. Bringing my Service Dog too!!!

  29. Spokane Washington… Same time as our Lilac Festival. Thank you for adding an extra show since your others sold out. I brought my employees (dental office) and we all had a blast. Loved your Invisalign jokes! And all of your other jokes too.

  30. lol my cat is like " Never leave me alone I will be bored and hungry if you are not here to serve me".

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