George Carlin Pets Pt 1



now change the subject on you but we're going to stay on the dog theme I want to bring you up to date on my pets at home this is something I've touched over the years little by little talking about my dogs and cats at home like to tell you the latest what's going on the one I talked about the earliest and most often was tippy little tippy tippy was a mixed terrier and tippy committed suicide about eight or nine years ago yeah oh I've had a lot of dogs do that haven't you oh shit I've had six or seven dogs just run out in front of a truck for no apparent reason and you can never tell there's anything bothering them beforehand no sign of turmoil of trouble you know they don't show up wearing a Judas Priest t-shirt with a new companion who can't make eye contact I guess one day they just snap in their little heads a snap and I don't they go into traffic in front of a truck and boom how we looked at it we said well that's what tippy wanted to do that was Tippy's little decision who are we to interfere in the plans of a dog so we just processed our grief and moved along as so many of us had to do in the 80s then we got a nanny and he was a mixed Shepherd everything we had was mixed something even a lot of people in the family when I think of it and some of the livelier ones too Annie was supposed to have been a German Shepherd according to my drug-taking friend who gave her to me you know he had to me a little puppy he says this could be a German Shepherd and I'd be in full of drugs at the time myself I said well fuck yeah you can already see the ears and of course it never happened I used to call him my Austrian Shepard because she never quite made it to the German border but Annie isn't with us anymore either Annie had to go away that's why we say it at home that's the only euphemism we allow ourselves Annie had to go away it happens hmm doesn't yeah it's part of the deal part of the deal what happens when you get a pet you haven't for a while they get old they go away just like your grandma same shit different species what happens to Grandma you have her for a while she gets old she goes away it's inevitable when you buy the pet you're supposed to know it in the pet shop it's going to end badly you're purchasing a small tragedy to learn here really cute my shit is gonna die unless you're in your 80s and you're buying a tortoise and II just got old that's all got old hip started to go first sign of trouble with aunty hips just like my grandma then that odd two members of the same family different species same symptoms makes you think maybe not even the names was similar granny and Annie and he got that hip dysplasia it's kind of a spinal degenerate disease where they can hold up the hind legs anymore its gradual they start drooping those legs to start dragging him oh it's a terrible thing to see it's horrible if you love the dog they scraping the legs and everything just dragging behind them it's no way to live and it pisses you off because you wound up with half a goddamn dog here's a front end that is perfectly serviceable shit she'd have been to Chevrolet she could have been rebuilt you come in the driveway she'd be sticking out behind a bush say look she's okay then the rest of her tomorrow shit gets worse and worse and worse and then nothing you can do about it and finally it got so bad and he couldn't even get out where the trucks were so I had to intervene on her behalf I had to get some people to come to the house and essentially whack my dog we put a contract out on Annie but we whacked her when she was eating a big plate of pasta like they do in the gangster movies we knew Annie would like that so any one away just like my grandma actually was a little bit different I believe we whacked my grandma on the beauty salon

35 thoughts on “George Carlin Pets Pt 1

  1. So i was born in the 90s. Anyone want to enlighten me on what he meant by "process our grief and move along as so many of us had to do in the 80s " ?

  2. i agree 100% im going threw that right now with my dog and its so sad ….. but i watch this and it comforts me …. cause it just goes to show that everyone who has an dog or animal goes through it, and he makes light of it

  3. she'd be stickin out of a bush in the driveway and you say "look she's okay" and then the rest of her comes a draggin out and your like "oooh shit" hahaha hilarious..George we miss you oh the laughs I had with you!!!

  4. I wish someone would ressurect George as a zombie so he could joke about the reactions to his death and how he now likes the taste of brains.

  5. Bruce Lee is the king of martial arts, Michael Jackson is the king of pop, but Goerge Carlin is the king of comedy.

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