Funny Prayer about Getting Old at the Caregiver of the Year Dinner



before dinner is served I would like to invite our dear friend Mary Maxwell to the podium we are so happy that she can be here tonight and we are honored to have her deliver tonight's invocation ladies and gentlemen please welcome Mary Maxwell [Applause] ladies and gentlemen as a new client of Home Instead and friend and former neighbor of Laurie and Paul Hogan I am so honored to be chosen to offer the invocation this evening so let us pray God our Father you know all that Home Instead believes in and strives for and we ask your blessing on the Home Instead family the management the staff the caregivers and the clients we are grateful for the way that everyone here tonight contributes to the success of the mission of Home Instead and we ask you to continue to bless them and this food which we are about to receive amen oh oh sorry God as long as I have the microphone there are a few things I forgot to mention first of all just to introduce myself a little over the years I've noticed that the two things most people want to know about you are the two things they're far too polite to ask so let's get that out of the way I'm 72 years old and I weigh a hundred and forty-five as you know we seniors are sometimes not very likable let alone lovable so lord could you please continue to keep the people of Home Instead patient and aware of why we are the way we are and Laura please remind them that the thing about old age is that you don't get a chance to practice this is the first time I've ever been old and it just sort of crept up on me there were signs random hair growth that's special particularly that first time you go to brush a hair off your lapel and discover it's attached to your child you turn your left turn signal on in the morning and leave it on all day [Applause] non-life-threatening skin grows large enough to name after deceased pets and relatives begin to appear and neck tissue seems to develop a life of its own last November I was afraid to leave the house Thanksgiving week aren't you quick you do strange things as you age like driving up to a curbside mailbox and ordering a cheeseburger and fries and lord I know you're aware that one Sunday a church I put my Dillard's bill in the collection basket by mistake and last Easter after services at st. Cecilia's Cathedral here in Omaha my husband stopped to talk to a friend and I went on out and got in the car to go home gentleman sitting behind the wheel said oh are you going home with me and I said oh Archbishop I'm so sorry I won't even mention driving into the wrong end of the carwash people get so excited when you do that I don't know why the lady and the other car was screaming like that I was just as surprised to see her she was to see me I also won't mention discovering that you're wearing mismatched earrings and going home to change them and ending up wearing the other mismatched hair and you know Lord that it's hard for old people to exercise I did try to jog once but it makes the wine just jump right out of your glass well Lord you understand seniors and their care and so does Home Instead and I have used before a poem I found in a local retirement home newsletter that I have always thought spoke volumes about Home Instead blessed are they who understand my faltering step and shaking hand blessed are they who know my ears today must strain to catch the things they say blessed are they who seem to know that my eyes are dim and my wits are slow blessed are they who looked away when I spilled the coffee at table today blessed are they with a cheery smile who take the time to chat for a while blessed are they who know the ways to bring back memories of yesterday's blessed are they who make it known I'm loved respected and not alone just like you to us it's personal that's Home Instead Lord bless them all and at the end of the evening please help me find my car in the parking lot amen [Applause]

34 thoughts on “Funny Prayer about Getting Old at the Caregiver of the Year Dinner

  1. What I Know God YHWH sets up Governments according to first Corinthians chapter 12 verse 28 and most Not all miracles are In The Church with True Apostle Prophets according to first Corinthians chapter 12 verse 28 and If You have a lack of Faith or do Not Know The True Gospel or can Not find or Attend A Church with True Apostle Prophets I guess there Is The Bob Beck Protocol and high end Rife machines and Ozone IV but finding A Doctor that knows what Is called alternative medicine In Your own town Is as difficult as finding A Church with True Apostle Prophets. What Is Your Thought On That?    

  2. Bless all the elderly , especially Miss Mary Maxwell, comedians take note this is where your career started

  3. Dear Mary,

    Interesting: Thank you Mary Maxwell: I wish & praying for you!
    take care: if you have time kindly refer the Scripture: Psalms 90:3-10
    3 Thou turnest man to destruction; and sayest, Return, ye children of men.
    4 For a thousand years in thy sight are but as yesterday when it is past, and as a watch in the night.
    5 Thou carriest them away as with a flood; they are as a sleep: in the morning they are like grass which groweth up.
    6 In the morning it flourisheth, and groweth up; in the evening it is cut down, and withereth.
    7 For we are consumed by thine anger, and by thy wrath are we troubled.
    8 Thou hast set our iniquities before thee, our secret sins in the light of thy countenance.
    9 For all our days are passed away in thy wrath: we spend our years as a tale that is told.
    10 The days of our years are threescore years and ten; and if by reason of strength they be fourscore years, yet is their strength labour and sorrow; for it is soon cut off, and we fly away.

    Sincerely,
    In Jesus Christ and his grip SERVANT
    Paul A C Abraham,

  4. LOL :-)-   I found myself nearly sharp enough to predict many of her punch lines- but i failed in response to the bishop's 'are you coming- – home- – w/ me' – i thought perhaps she might have quipped – 'depends upon your vision and driving skill'

  5. I needed a good laugh. I hate to say this but I do know a few things she is talking about. Like going to work and someone telling me I have two different earrings on. I can't tell u how many times someone has told me I have lipstick on my teeth. It is a wonderful thing that someone can make being older funny. She knows how to deal with getting old. 

  6. Well personally I think this video is quite insulting to older people. I don't know anyone who acts like described in this 'comedy routine'. I walk 30-35 miles every week, and not on an effing treadmill, but OUTSIDE on a hilly trail, during all kinds of weather (100+ heat/humidity, 16 degree cold & wind, any time I have the time to walk, and that includes 'after midnight' on full moon nights bc although the coyotes stalk me the bobcat knows better because IT can smell the gunpowder and if there is a 'bad guy' on the trail, he will find out what 47 years of martial arts… and a loaded automatic 44… can do to a 'bad guy'). I am currently writing two books, building out four websites, being courted by two men who are decades younger than me. I stll fly my plane, rollerblade on spring days, exercise my 'old' friends horses, play my trumpet, write android apps 'for the fun of it' and invest (quite successfully) in the world of currency exchange using algorithmic bots I WROTE. I manage my own self-funded startup based on my own patent, mentor technology people in their 20s-50s, and go salsa dancing whenever the mood strikes me. I don't forget where I parked my car, I never leave a turn signal on, and I VOTE not on a 'party line' but for the best candidates out there, because I also do my homework on the issues and the candidates. I write letters to the editor, tweet from multiple twitter accounts (come on you cannot have 'just one' twitter account, not if you believe in God, think Steven Hawkings is nothing more than head without real brains who believes in theories that cannot be tested and thus are not PROVABLE) because I like to have one twitter acct for talking about Christianity, one for political ranting (which is all one can really do these days with that moron 'on the hill') and a couple more for various scientific interests. I have two notepads, three computers and a linux server, two roku devices, three smartphones but five phone lines what with two VoIP lines and a masterjack lifetime number.
    I think that 66 is the new 34 (and my boyfriends will back THAT up), that there is a God and HE is easily proved whereas Einstein's theory that the speed of light is the limitation of travel is baloney, and so is any untestable quantum theory which is thus just science fiction until proven otherwise.
    I get 4.5 hours of sleep every night, but it is not age-related sleep deprivation, because since I was a kid getting up at 3:00 am to do my farm duties, I've never needed MORE than 4.5 hours of sleep and I do NOT drink caffeinated beverages, alcohol or eat processed foods and just because my name Violet Weed does not mean I have ever polluted my body with drugs. I'm smarter now than when I graduated from high school at 10, I believe that the most important quality of a human being is their INTEGRITY, and that just because some 16 year old 'coded' a website, does NOT make them a 'genius' to be followed to the ends of the earth. I believe that having lots of money does not make one a 'success in life'. I think I've made my point. Don't be an age-ist. If you know someone in their 'middle years' (60 to 90) be very grateful! P.S. My 90+ year old Uncle and Aunty email me every day, and like me they don't have 'cable tv' but a ROKU so that they, like me, can watch educational channels, not the baloney that is cnn or msnbc or 'dumbed down' comedy shows. My brain is ON FIRE even more than it was at 12 when I went to work as a professional programmer, only NOW I have 54 years of solid expertise and ever increasing knowledge to support my ideas (many are patented, btw).

  7. I love the way she delivered  her prayer. It may sounds funny but hearth warming truth about growing old. Blessed are you.

  8. Oh my god…was fixing to click off thinking this is just another just like any other prayer….then she reeled me in with"uh uh oh I'm sorry God, as long as I have the microphone"…. and when it came to the "it's the first time I've been this old… well, I'm all in and thanks! This made me laugh my head off!

  9. Such a beautiful and exquisite way of looking at aging – with honesty and good cheer. For old age is one life's greatest gifts. The idea that you develop, mature, and evolve with this complex blueprint called the universe. That your acceptance of your growing old reveals that you are significant and ineffably beautiful.

  10. this is what I am talking about, it is really good, blessed are the seniors everywhere!!
    Merry Christmas!!

  11. She's KILLIN' IT!!!

    I drove into the wrong end of a car wash recently
    ….and a friend of mine also looked down at my feet
    recently and said, "Why do you have two totally
    different shoes on??"

    I'm screaming with laughter over here.

    She may not have the "Moves Of Mick Jagger"
    but she's killin' it!

  12. Her wonderful humour of reminded me of Erma Bombeck – this was wonderful to watch — it made my day….. Thank you for posting……………..now….. where's that post button again?…

  13. It's great to see I'll be among other like- minded seniors when I arrive at the doorstep of old age and that there might be room, at a table of them that can still laugh, for me to join in. thank you for sharing this wonderful footage.

  14. OMG, she has great timing and all too accurate description of those of us in the aging population and the foibles we face.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *