Big Jay Oakerson – Luis & The Dog – This Is Not Happening – Uncensored


– Fuck, if you
don’t have a husband I’ll marry you right now. God, I love a girl who
lost her parents young. (dramatic music) – Thank you. On this show here’s
what happens. A bunch of comics
telling true stories and that’s all it is. Ladies and gentlemen, please give a warm
round of applause to the host of the
Legion of Skanks podcast, Mr. Big Jay Oakerson everybody. – This is actually gonna be fun, ’cause this is the story
of real friendship. Real genuine, bonded friendship. This story happened
about five years ago, and it was, I live in New York. I remember this story happened, it was 2:30 in the
morning on a Monday night. I’ll never forget that. And my buddy Dave
was at my house, he was crashing for the night. We had just smoked weed and had an hour long conversation about how Africa by Toto might be the greatest song ever made. It’s hard to argue. After that, a couple of
high fives and relistens, we’re like let’s
call it a night, dude, let’s go to bed. Just then we get a phone
call from our friend Lewis, our Puerto Rican friend that
lives around the corner, and he goes hey
guys come over here and look through my window. I’m gettin’ ready to
fuck this Asian chick, it’s gonna be awesome. And it’s 2:30 in the
morning on a Monday and I’m just like, dude, we’ll
be there in five minutes. Like 100%. It’s around the
corner from my house, a baseball’s throw, tops. Like I have to go. I’ll beat myself up if I
don’t at least check it out. Take a peek. So me and Dave walk over, and we’re watching Lewis
bang this Asian chick. And it’s a thing. We’re watching, and he
knows we’re watching, but she doesn’t know. Which is kind of shitty,
but at the same time, hilarious because Lewis, for us, is like flexing and posing. We’re doin’ air high
gives and metal horns and we’re air guitaring. Just a lot of white
guy lip biting fun. Normal right? Here’s where it gets weird. At one point this Asian girl, she’s on all fours. Her ass is facing the window, me and Dave. She’s sucking Lewis’ dick, he’s on his knees. He’s looking at us,
we’re looking at him. We’re all giggling. Now Lewis, our
Puerto Rican friend, is the proud owner
of a small dog, Jack Russell Terrier. And before you guys
even get weird, I want you to understand, this is going exactly
where you think it’s going. On my life, true
story, out of the blue. Dog jumps up on the
bed from behind, starts licking her Asian vagina. Yeah. Eating her pussy, I know. Don’t feel forced
to laugh at that. I’m just tellin’ ya the
facts of what happened. It’s not a punch line. I’m not expecting your laughter. I’m just tellin’
ya what happened. Me and Dave were hangin’ out. Lewis called, said come watch
me fuck this Asian chick. We go there. Circumstantially
she’s in a position, dog jumps up, starts
eating her pussy. I’ve told this story
in several countries, all over the world. To everyone. No one really laughs
from the gut on that. That’s not a funny situation. When everyone hears that story, pretty much anyone. All types of people think
the same exact thing. A dog eating an Asian. The irony alone is
fucking mind numbing. Did I just see that
living breathing pun unfold in front of
my fat fucking face? I did. A dog was eating an
Asian girl’s pussy. Yeah. How do handle that
situation, ladies? What do you do? Go ahead. Throw it around the horn. What do you do? I’ll paint the picture for you. You’re on all fours,
you’re blowin’ a dude, dog starts eatin’ your cooch, what do you do? Don’t even overthink it, it’s war time, you gotta react. It’s happening. You keep going. Keep suckin’ dick, let
the dog eat your pussy? Fuck, if you don’t
have a husband I’ll marry your right now. Oh my God. I love a girl who lost
her parents young. Well I don’t know if you studied Eastern Philosophy in school, but that’s exactly what
that Asian girl did. She just let it happen. She didn’t make it a
weird thing at all. Like an adult, she handled it. She didn’t even
look back and go, oh it’s a dog, and keep going. She just assumed it was a dog and kept suckin’ dick. That is Ninja focus like I’ve
never seen before or since. And I’m not just saying
Ninja ’cause she’s Asian, but it does make it
funnier, exponentially. And she knew it was a dog. She definitely knew. It wasn’t Lewis, his neck isn’t 14 feet
long and shaped like a C. And ladies, if I’m being honest, I think you just know when
a dog’s eating your pussy, there’s a lot of giveaways. If you let it happen
you know it’s happenin’. Lot of giveaways. Wet nose up your ass,
there’s a big one. You feel that within seconds, you’re like that feels great, that’s a dog, I have to go. I have to go right now. And the dog ate her pussy for the better part of five to
six and one-half minutes. And then he just stopped, out of the blue, he just stopped. I don’t know if he was done, or he found what
he was looking for. But he tapped out. And he wiped his
little dog chin. And he looks over at the window and he sees me and Dave, because now in
fairness me and Dave are like this up
against the window, ’cause we just saw our
Puerto Rican friend and his dog gang
bang an Asian chick. And guess what? You don’t see that every day. Rarely, if ever. An interracial,
interspecies gang bang? Good luck. Go Google that
when you get home, see how many clips you find, there’s none, there’s
none out there. I’ve checked every day
since, it’s been five years. And the dog sees me and Dave, and he knows us. That’s Sport, we know Sport. Sport gets so excited he runs over to the window and starts jumping and barking
at the window. Now me and Dave don’t
want to get caught, remember this girl has
no idea we’re there. So now me and Dave are outside posing like trees
and statues and shit, trying to blend in to
the nighttime background. But I felt really bad. I really did. And I can’t speak
for Dave or Lewis or anybody else in this story. I felt bad. Because where I was hiding, I could see Sport’s
face, the dog. And the dog, a real
personality on his face, really showed me confusion. His face showed dog confusion. And it made me sad,
I connected with him. We became one for a moment
and I felt his pain, and he proved that day that
dog’s are man’s best friend. That’s all Sport was doing, he was trying to be our friend. You see dogs don’t
share our sense of, we’re caught or embarrassment, or something bad’s gonna happen. He’s just tryin’
to be our friend. Sport’s at the window
like hey Jay, Dave, what are you guys
doin’ out there? This chick’s fuckin’
everybody man, get in here. I’m a dog and just
ate her pussy, did you not see that shit? It’s like suit yourself homo, and he just danced back inside. Thank you guys, man, very much.

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