America Needs a New National Bird – The Jim Jefferies Show


– Some animal rescue news out of New York, officers saved a bald eagle
trapped in a reservoir. Aw, great! Another eagle saved by man! I don’t see, what’s the
obsession with the eagle? It’s supposed to be a symbol of freedom, but the Nazis, the Nazis loved the eagle! (audience laughing) The NRA, who gave the eagle the guns? He’s already a killing machine on his own! (audience laughing) Do you know how many tax
dollars we spend on bald eagles? They’re not even endangered
anymore, but they’re still protected by multiple federal laws. They’re welfare birds, sucking
on the government’s teat! (audience laughing) America needs a new bird
to represent the country, one that’s pulled itself
up by its bootstraps. The pigeon. (audience laughing) The pigeons were messengers
during World War One, and World War Two, (mumbles)
and probably other wars. (audience laughing) Pigeons were even used as (beep) spies! That’s a real photo!
(audience laughing) It’s a real photo! They weren’t great spies, but they were the best
spies they could be. (audience laughing) The pigeon is an American war hero! And just like our human
vets, our bird veterans are out on the street,
begging for breadcrumbs! Walked past like they’re not even there. Called horrible names
like, “rats with wings”. Next time you see a pigeon, you thank them for their service. Tonight I salute you pigeons, whether you’re a Homing,
(patriotic brass music) Racing, Fantailed, English pouter, Parlor Roller, Bohemian, or the Basic Domestic.
(audience laughing) You’re a hero. To the pigeon! May man finally embrace
your wonder, and treat you, the way you’ve always
deserved to be treated. Be free pigeon! (shocked audience laughing) Be free! Fly, fly! You noblest of birds. (exciting bass-heavy rock music)

31 thoughts on “America Needs a New National Bird – The Jim Jefferies Show

  1. Let’s make Shrek the national bird !!
    Sign this petition!!!

    https://www.change.org/p/donald-trump-make-shrek-the-national-bird

  2. About 20 years ago, I was walking along a sea wall in Florida at high tide. A pigeon was walking on the sea wall about 50'-60' feet ahead of me.
    All of a sudden I saw a rush of water bulging up right behind where the pigeon was walking. In one quick thrust, a 7' cobia leaped up out of the water, snagged the pigeon, and dragged the helpless bird under. The water boiled and splashed for a few seconds, but then it was over. Just a few feathers floating on the top of the water.

  3. Years ago I went to Anchorage Alaska and saw Bald Eagles eating out of a fast food dumpster, I’ve never looked at them the same way again.

  4. Ben Franklin wanted the turkey, but I think this is a better idea. Bald Eagles don't even want to associate with US! Pigeons live right in our towns and cities!

  5. Ben Franklin wanted the pigeon to be the national bird. Turkeys were thrown around. Then "Eaaaaaaaaa!" And it swoops up a fox by the throat.

  6. I would support the crow as national bird, but it turns out that they are VERY smart… so probably not an appropriate symbol for Americans.

  7. A bald eagle almost shat on my father in law on a hike. Though he is Austrian… so maybe that bird still has contempt for ww2

  8. we Native Americans started it. Please take your ideas and fade away into obscurity along with your obsession with the whole USA, and leave the sacred eagles alone before they become the "Passenger Pigeon of the 21st Century."

  9. Ben Franklin wanted the turkey as the national bird but the founding fathers saw how the Native Americans revered the eagle just like how Franklin liked how we governed ourselves. Straight facts

  10. It was going to be the turkey until they found out how delicious they are. I personally would love the Raven as our national bird

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *